Spring Break 2004

Some days are harder than others when it comes to our trauma. One of the more difficult days to face is when something triggers a memory or a feeling-whether it is sounds, smells, or something more direct- like an anniversary date. For me, anniversaries are the hardest, and most of them happen around this time of year. The worst of them was what we called Spring Break in Fallujah, Iraq.

The Calm Before the Storm

After a period of facing direct fire in the day and mortar fire in the night, we had finally had some peace. Laying on a rooftop that was covered in old tires, car parts, and garbage, we laid behind a cement wall with allies to our back. It was time to get some sleep while nothing was happening, so we took turns taking a nap. What we didn’t know was that this was the calm before the storm.

Photo credit: Bob Dawson

Spring Break Games

A crack against the wall I was behind woke me up. It is hard to explain, but you know that cracking sound when a bullet hits. I got myself up into a kneeling position behind the wall, and as I was trained, I popped my head and rifle out from behind the wall. CRACK! I ducked back behind the wall, not fully processing just how close that was. I had a small scratch on my face, and my heart was racing from the adrenaline. Just inches to the right and I would have been dead. To both flanks, we were taking fire. First Squad was pinned down on this rooftop with the only way down being a ladder which would expose us. Instead, we decided that we were going to try to draw this sniper (or snipers, we never confirmed) out. If we could see a muzzle flash or dust kick up, we could locate them.

My biggest fear, as a Fireteam Leader, was losing one of my guys, so I decide that I was going to expose myself to the sniper rounds. Afterall, he probably wasn’t a professional, he already missed! I got up from my position, with my team in place, and I ran across the roof, doing zig zags. I thought that this would have to work. Rounds were landing close but not quite hitting me. However, while I was running, as I got close to one of our SAW gunners, a round hit the cement, and he had taken shrapnel to the knee. As I got back in position, guilt poured over me. Him getting hit was because I wanted to play stupid games. Thankfully, his injury was minor, but it could have been much worse.

I don’t remember the order of things, as it is a little fuzzy, but we called in tank support and air support with everything going on with us and to our right and left. As an infantryman, watching a tank and a helicopter blow things up is pretty cool, I’m not going to lie, but it didn’t take down our biggest problem. We had underestimated the distance of the sniper and were still taking fire. The last round I remember was hearing the gunfire, and hearing the scream from impact. One of my brothers had been hit.

The Scream that Echoes in My Mind

We were pinned down for hours. Finally, night had come, and our enemy did not have night vision capabilities. We were able to pull back into a defensive position about a block back from the rooftop. My lieutenant approached with his arm soaked in the blood of the Marine who was hit- it was Lopez. The same Lopez who took me to his house to have dinner with his family on some weekends because he was local. The same guy that I would hang out with and goof off with time after time. My close friend’s blood dripped down the arm of my platoon commander. In this moment, all I knew is that he was on his way to the hospital. The sniper had hit him in an artery, and he was losing a lot of blood.

Within a few minutes, I was informed about other casualties that we took that day. One of whom was SSGT Harrell- one of the best leaders that I have ever been around. He would stand up for his Marines and lead from the front. He was the first leader in the Marine Corps who really saw my potential. I remember one time that he pulled me aside and explained why he was hard one me- because of what he saw in me. It meant a lot, and he meant a lot to me. He was killed in action while being that great leader- leading from the front and sacrificing his life for his men. He is the example of leadership that I go by even today.

SSGT William Harrell

Photo Credit: Honor Our Fallen Facebook Page

I think that this was the first time that Fallujah felt real for me- and not like I was in an action movie. We had taken fire before and had casualties before and after this day, and those stick in your mind as well. However, when it hit so close, it suddenly became so much more real to me. Lopez ended up surviving, though with lifelong injuries. SSGT William Harrell left a legacy, but his Marines and his family felt the loss. It was a hard day, and so the first week of April is one of the hardest weeks of the year for me- especially April 8.

Keep Honoring Them

I know that I am not the only one who has an anniversary that is so difficult. If you’re like me, you honor those fallen on these days, and you do something productive. Take time in prayer, talk to someone, even connect with those who share the same anniversary. You are not alone on these days, and even though they are the hardest ones, they will pass. Remember that you are here for a purpose, and your life is worth fighting for. So keep fighting. Keep honoring those who gave it all and keep supporting your brothers and sisters who are still here.

-Matt